


Complexities Unknowable

by WaeRose



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: <--- but only partly cuz it's just dukeceit at the start, Arguments, Crying, Established Relationship, Eventual Fluff, I wrote the bulk of this pre-Redux so Deceit is called Deceit and not Janus, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Rivals to Friends to Lovers, all the sides are sympathetic, background analogince, but there are misunderstandings and miscommunications, creativitwins angst that I promise will be resolved, inconsequential poor decisions but poor decisions none the less, remus says words so be warned, they WILL care about each other it WILL be soft and I will CRY
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:55:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23274334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaeRose/pseuds/WaeRose
Summary: Patton isn't sure what to make of Remus and Deceit. They keep to themselves for the most part, and when they do pop up all they seem to do is stir up trouble. He knows he can't just pretend they don't exist- but wouldn't it be a lot easier if they didn't?Deceit and Remus know exactly how they feel about Patton; they resent the fuck out of him. And they aren't afraid to tell him so. So why does it feel like he just can't seem to hear it?Perhaps both parties stubbornness won't turn out to be such a bad thing in the end, anyway.
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Morality | Patton Sanders/Deceit Sanders
Comments: 114
Kudos: 355





	1. Who Doesn't Like Cookies?

**Author's Note:**

> Me? Starting a new multi-part fanfiction before updating the series I started a full month ago? It's more likely than you think. (Don't worry, I'm not gonna take another goddamn month before writing new stuff!)  
> Anyway- I'm super soft for intrualiceit. Patton, sunshine man, falling for the Edgy Bad Boys? Of course that's my shit!  
> As always, feedback is not only welcomed but encouraged!  
> -WJ

Patton didn’t hate the dark sides. Patton hardly _hated_ anything! He just thought they had more… problematic ways of problem solving. It wasn’t like they were unbearable, they were just flaws, and everyone has flaws! Perfectly normal. Patton just found it difficult to pick out the redeeming qualities, but they were probably there. Somewhere deep, deep down, there was _something_ , so of course he didn’t hate them. And hypothetically, supposing he did, he would never say something like that out loud. 

Which brought him to now. He was standing stock-still in the kitchen, holding the electric mixer, looking at a scene fit for a renaissance painting. He’d just come back from retrieving the mixer from the hall closet (for _whatever_ reason that he couldn’t parse out), only to find Remus and Deceit in the middle of some kind of kerfuffle, to put it lightly, on top of the counter. Remus was leaning precariously on the edge of the counter, one of his legs somehow stuck all the way inside a cabinet in order to maintain his balance. In his hands were what appeared to be piles of torn open tea bags and coffee grounds. Deceit was hunched over the counter in front of him, all of his arms grappling desperately to keep the gremlin-man’s hands away from his gnashing teeth. 

“-No, _ sssstop!  _ You know that caffeine makes you feel like garbage, you idiot!"

“ _ Hot _ garbage, maybe! I need it to focus on the experiment I’m running!”

Remus broke one hand free and scooped a handful of coffee grounds into his mouth, cackling. Deceit promptly tackled him off the counter and onto the floor, resulting in several appliances falling and a very loud crash. It was at that point Patton realized he should probably intervene before the kitchen burned down. This was uncharted territory, so he resorted to what he usually did when the sides fought. He went Dad Mode™. 

“ **_Boys!_ ** ” 

Deceit and Remus both stopped dead, their heads snapping up simultaneously to look at Patton in shock. 

Deceit pushed himself up immediately and dusted himself off. He surveyed the room with a quick glance, his eyes blown wide. 

“I apologize for our disruption.” He snapped perfunctorily, sounding not very sorry at all. The trait slipped across the kitchen to grab the broom, returning to bap Remus on the head with it before attempting to sweep up the mess they’d made.

Patton didn’t know what he’d expected, but it wasn’t that. Thankfully, he knew exactly what to do when someone tried to clean his kitchen (familiar territory at last!). He put on his best awkward smile and set down the mixer that he’d been clutching anxiously to his chest.

“Aw, don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of all this.” Patton reached for the broom; Deceit practically threw it at him in his haste to keep distance between them. The reptilian side gave a short nod of acknowledgement. Remus, meanwhile, had pulled himself up from the floor and grinned. He clambered back up onto the counter and sat cross legged. 

“Hey, thanks! I was sure you were gonna, like- disembowel us and pull a Sweeney Todd!”

Patton surely looked as horrified as he felt about that comment, because Deceit was looking between him and Remus of them nervously. He grabbed his partner’s arm and ducked his head to whisper something to him. Whatever it was, Remus just scrunched up his nose and shook his head. Patton kept his eyes down and just hoped they’d ignore him and get on with their business.

There was an awkward pause as the moral side fixed all his attention on sweeping, every now and then catching a glimpse of Remus sneakily reaching for another tea bag only to have his hand swatted away by Deceit. They seemed to be having an entirely silent conversation.

“Um, well, I was about to get started on some cookies, if you guys want to… help?” Patton had no idea what, exactly, he was doing. He always offered to let Logan or Roman or Virge help him in the kitchen, cooking was a favorite hobby in the fam-i.l.y.! It seemed like only the polite thing to do, and he really wasn’t sure why the dark sides were still. Here. Patton tried really hard to convince himself that he didn’t regret offering, because that would be mean, and he _wasn’t_ mean. That was their job!

“Fuck yeah!” Remus called at the exact time that Deceit spat, “No,  _ thank _ you.” 

Patton winced at the language. Remus had a horribly mischievous look in his eyes, and Deceit just looked uncomfortable. The two exchanged a few more whispered arguments, after which Deceit pulled Remus down from the counter and hassled him across the kitchen. 

“Well, we’d just love to take up your  _ totally  _ sincere offer, but we really must be going.” Deceit hardly glanced over his shoulder as he walked. Patton found himself torn between feeling relieved and offended. 

“Aww,” Remus groaned, begrudgingly letting himself be led away, “I love baking!”

“No, you don’t, you love making messes and destroying people’s things. Which is not a good impression to make, need I remind you.” 

That was… surprisingly considerate.

“Well- I’ll let you know when the cookies are done!” Patton called after them. Neither responded. 

To Patton’s credit, he did keep that promise. Well, not so much a promise as an off-handed remark that went ignored- but still, the side had _principles_. After spending plenty of time relaxing with  Logan, Roman, and Virgil (eating copious amounts of baked-goods, of course), Patton snuck off to deliver some cookies to The Subconscious. He wasn’t the stealthiest, but he _triple_ checked that nobody saw him before sinking out.

Rising into The Subconscious was like diving headfirst into a swamp. It felt like his lungs were filling up with muck, and he couldn’t much tell where he was going to appear. Pat could feel that he wasn’t meant to be here. He struggled up from the floor and into the living room, fighting down a wave of nausea.

The first thing that surprised Patton about the dark side commons was that it was perfectly well lit. The lighting was actually quite lovely, and there were several big, soft chairs underneath warm-looking lamps. The second thing that surprised Patton was the liveliness of the surroundings! Not a thing looked dusty or unkempt- in fact, if it weren’t for the odd, grim objects decorating the room, it would have been downright delightful! 

The most surprising thing, however, was that Patton was not the only one there (which was a possibility he probably should have considered; he was just planning on leaving the cookies on the counter with a nice note). Curled into the corner of the couch, seemingly in the middle of a movie, were Deceit and Remus, looking absolutely astounded.

“Uh… hi?” Patton greeted uncertainly.

Deceit schooled his features into something less surprised and untangled himself from Remus hurriedly. Sensing the hostility, Patton threw his explanation from his mouth like he was on a timer.

“So, I brought cookies! And, um, I figured that it would be empty and I was gonna leave them on the counter? But you’re having a little movie night, so, here’s cookies.” 

Patton saw the undisguised suspicion in Deceit’s eyes. Fine, if he was going to be that way, then he didn’t _have_ to take the cookies. Remus, however, darted up immediately at the mention of food and appeared himself across the room. He grabbed the Tupperware and shoveled several of the cookies into his sharp-toothed maw. Patton tried (unsuccessfully) not to flinch away from the sudden proximity.

“Are you trying to poison us? Because if so, mission accomplished.” Remus spoke through a mouthful of chocolate cookie. Patton was equal parts disgusted and flattered.

Deceit had finally paused the movie and flitted across the room as well. The human side of his face was slightly flushed as he took the Tupperware from Remus, curling his lip to reveal long, dangerous-looking fangs. He proceeded to take a small bite of a cookie (Patton figured the snarling was some odd intimidation tactic (did he really think they were poisoned?!)). 

Patton felt a spiteful little jolt of triumph at the surprised look on the Deceit’s face, his eyes widening. The dishonest trait hummed appreciatively. 

"Thank you. This is actually- I mean, it's fine."

"Well, you don't have to act so surprised!" Patton said, managing a small laugh.

"We’re surprised because you don't usually come to this side of the mindscape, and never to do anything nice anyways. Razor blade cookies would make much more sense!" Remus, to Patton’s dismay, had seemed completely nonchalant about that comment. Beside him, Deceit merely shrugged, continuing to nibble the edge of a cookie. 

Patton wouldn’t hurt a fly! How on earth could they think he was the mean one? Oh, he had to show them how wrong they were! Although- did he really  _ want  _ the approval of two sides he… strongly disliked? All because he didn’t want anybody to think he was mean?

Yes, he did, he absolutely did want that.

“I’ll be sure to let you two know the  _ next  _ time I bake, then.” 

And he promptly got the hell out of there, the floor shimmering a light blue in his wake. He’d show them, in the sweetest, nicest, most-likable way possible. 


	2. Spiteful Scheming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit and Remus have an emotional conversation, have their movie interrupted, and hatch a plan perfectly opposite to Patton's. (The term plan is used loosely for both parties).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one gets a little angsty in the middle, boys! (And also this might be my excuse to just write pure Dukeceit fluff for a while- like y'all :'3)   
> Also! I told you it wouldn't be a month, just a bit over a week! At this right, I might finish this whole fic by the end of April, cuz I've got nothing else to fuckin do.  
> -WJ

Deceit despised Patton, there was no doubt about that. He didn’t  _ murder _ -despise him (he wasn’t a  _ monster _ ), but it was still very hard to find anything to like about the things Morality did. And said. And the ways he said it. And especially,  _ especially _ , the way that sugar-coated empty-headed cotton ball looked at him- like Deceit actually _ had _ murdered someone (although Deceit would concede that when those looks were directed at Remus... it was pretty justified). 

But on the subject of things he hated! Being in The Conscious! Whenever he appeared it felt like a million little needles pricking him and reminding him that he was unwelcome. Another con: Deceit struggled without the ability to flow through rooms, undetectable, like in his half of the mindscape. He was far too exposed for his liking. 

Remus, however, loved being topside, and now that word about him was out he was visiting constantly. Remus also loved doing things that were dangerous and hazardous to himself and others when left unsupervised. And Deceit (regrettably) loved Remus. So. 

It was as the snake lifted his head to see a very upset Patton that he began to question if love was worth it, though. This was going to go  _ so  _ well for them.

Deceit had done what he always did when he was thrust into a situation he wanted no part in. He shut his mouth and observed. And instead of yelling at them, or having a fucking heart attack and insisting that Thomas was a terrible person, Patton extended an offer to  _ prolong their time together _ . Because nothing about Morality was consistent or made even a _ little _ sense. 

Deceit had steered Remus away and teleported them back home as soon as they were out of sight. Immediately, Remus turned to him with his hands on his hips and his nose scrunched up. 

“Since when do you care about making a good impression? You  _ love  _ fucking with them! I know  _ I  _ do.”

“Correction: I don’t fuck with them, I make a formal appearance and explain my point, only to have them act as though I’m fucking with them. I sure love that! My goddamn favorite.”

“Okay, we both know how dramatic you love to get with your ‘formal appearances’. I say split the difference and just drive a screwdriver through his eye; it makes you harder to ignore  _ and _ it saves you tons of energy! Or show up naked- he’d have a  _ fit _ !”

“Because I totally wanted to show up in the first place,” Deceit tossed himself onto the couch, (he hardly had to keep up appearances  _ here _ ). Remus flopped down next to him and took up the rest of the sofa without even trying. He wrapped his arms around the other’s middle, right below Deceit’s third set of limbs. 

“I was doing fine on my own!” Remus explained, punctuating the point by burying his face in Deceit’s ribs. 

“Objectively you weren’t.” 

“You know we can’t  _ really  _ hurt each other. I couldn’t have done anything worse than  _ mentally  _ scar Patton!” Remus’ voice was muffled by the fabric of Deceit’s shirt, but he made no move to get up. 

“It’s not them I’m worried about, you moron.”

The snake-like trait heard a tiny gasp from below him. Remus dragged himself up to throw his arms around Deceit’s shoulders.

“Awwww, you care about me, that’s so embarrassing,” he cooed, smashing their lips together messily. He was grinning more softly than usually when he pulled away.

Despite Deceit’s best efforts, a cackle escaped him. He wiped his mouth with his sleeve, halfheartedly pushing Remus back. He let himself wrap a few arms around the creative side as his laughter subsided. For a moment, they were calm.

“I  _ wasn’t _ being serious, by the way. I know you’re absolutely _ impervious  _ to emotion.”

“I’m fine,” Remus’ response was too quick. 

“Where do you expect to get by  _ lying  _ to  _ me _ ? You think I don’t know why you were so invested in your most recent project? You think I don’t know why you felt the need to crawl up to The Conscious for caffeine instead of conjuring your own rancid brew like usual? I know you’re distracting yourself, Honey.” 

The other trait was silent for an uncomfortable stretch. When he spoke next, it was barely more than a whisper.

“... Sorry, Dee.”

That shook Deceit down to his core. He couldn’t bring himself to be upset at Remus, and he wouldn’t  _ dare _ think of any of this as his fault. The protective side pulled him up to look him dead in the eyes. 

“Hey-  _ look at me _ . I’m not angry. Don’t ever think that I’m mad at you for missing your br- for missing him.” 

Slowly, Remus nodded, and Deceit let go of his face. “We don’t need to talk about it,” the reptilian amended. 

If Remus had made  _ him _ talk all the times that _ he’d _ been overflowing with emotion. All the times he’d sworn on his life it wasn’t because he missed Virgil, but of course it was. If Rem had forced him to drag it all out, rather than just holding him close and letting him distract himself- Deceit was sure he would have died by now. So he returned the favor.

He heard the hitching of Remus’ breath as the trait tried desperately to fight down sobs, but he didn’t say anything. It was impossible not to hold some resent for the “light sides”, when this is what they did to them. When this is what they were left with.

He held Remus close and never, ever wanted to let go.

Before long, Deceit had put on a film to occupy their minds. One of their mutual favorites-  _ Pan’s Labyrinth _ . They’d been completely immersed in the movie before being so  _ rudely  _ interrupted by a certain someone. A certain someone who was somehow an even better cook than Deceit had presumed. Despite such, he would not be swayed. 

Remus, however, looked pretty damn swayed.

“That was weird, huh?” He stated, chomping on cookies (he’d seemed in much better spirits over the past half-hour, thankfully). Deceit merely raised his eyebrows, still standing in the middle of the room. 

“Not a bit out of the ordinary whatsoever,” he double-spoke, too preoccupied with thought to focus on talking front-ways, “In fact, I  _ don’t  _ think he was put off by your assertion that he’s not usually ‘nice’. He  _ doesn’t _ seem like the defensive type, does he?” 

Remus shrugged, flopping face-first down into the couch and grabbing the remote.

“Whatever, now we have movie-watching snacks! They could use more finger-nail clippings, but other than that they’re almost as good as mine!” 

Deceit didn’t respond. He paced the floor, tapping his fingers against his leg. Distantly, he was aware of Remus rambling about something or other- but he couldn’t think about that now. There was a very promising opportunity to consider here, if he could just gather it all together.

“Dee-Dee?” Remus had sat up now, leaning forward to peer curiously at the plotting side.

“Mhm.” Deceit muttered automatically. 

“Hey, Budget Scalesona!”

“I agree completely.”

“ **Dee!** ” 

Deceit’s head snapped up to look at Remus, whose face was split with a wide grin. He was practically hanging off of the arm of the couch.

“You’re  _ scheming _ , aren’t you? You’ve got your scheming face on,” he said with delight, “What are we gonna do? How gory do you want it to get?”

“Nothing like  _ that,  _ you sadist, I’m just... thinking.” It was only about 35% sadistic, but who didn’t love to indulge in a little schadenfreude every now and then? If Patton wanted to know why they weren’t huge fans of his, well, then they’d just have to show him. It would be all too easy to get under his skin, get a nice outburst from him that would show him just how mean he could be. The best way to get to Thomas  _ would _ certainly be his heart (nevermind the old saying, as the closest thing they had to a stomach side would be the insatiable pit that was Remus). 

“I think we’ll have to finish this film later, Dearest,” Deceit hissed, smirking rather slyly.

Remus sighed dreamily, leaning his chin on his hands.

“You’re so hot when you’re planning revenge.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave comments!! Please! Any notes or feedback is welcomed, and also lowkey suggestions are encouraged because I'm outlining this story in my head as I go and my vision for it is soft and mold-able. Take advantage of how impressionable this story is, I dare you.  
> -WJ


	3. Art as an Outlet and Overthinking Television

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first steps of the plan are enacted, and it's totally going off without a hitch if you ask Deceit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long!! I have been working on a lot lately!! Also, I realized while writing this that I used the show The Good Place as a big analogy and the characters talk about it a good amount, I'm sorry if that gets confusing for anyone who hasn't seen it (I would recommend it tho). I tried to make it pretty vague, so it should be readable. Honestly I'm not super happy with it, but it's one of those things where I can't figure out how to improve it :/  
> The next chapter is going to be very long, btw.  
> -WJ

Remus was, once again, sitting on the counter in the light side kitchen. It was an ungodly early hour of morning, so the Commons were deserted. He was supposed to be waiting for Morality, according to the spiteful little plot Dee had offered him that he hadn’t listened to all that well, but he surmised it meant he was supposed to fuck with a light side, so… Duh. Of course he was in.

Truth be told, three out of four of the self-proclaimed ‘light sides’ hardly bothered him! They were stuffy prudes, sure, but their insults slid off his back like blood off of steel. As long as he was doing his own thing with Deceit alongside him, everything was fine (he was still pointedly ignoring the existence of another Creativity). But looks like what Deceit wanted to do was torment Patton into, like, repenting? Or something? Like he said, he wasn’t listening. 

Anyway! Waiting and watching was what he was doing! And doodling, because sitting still was literally impossible in Remus’ experience. Thankfully, he soon saw the paternal trait springing down the stairs. Straightening his back, The Duke put on his best intimidating face (which he thought looked rather silly, but Deceit assured him was very unsettling). He set down his sketchbook and blurred his edges. It didn’t work very well up here, but it was a little trick that they’d all- Virgil included- learned _years_ ago. Honestly, he just used it to get cheap scares every now and then. 

Patton strolled into the kitchen, whistling some jaunty tune and  _ holy shit _ , Remus had figured it was some shtick, but was he just a cartoon character  _ all of the time _ ? That was- sure, very adorable- but mostly all the more entertaining to scare!

“What’s up, Dilf!?” 

Patton shrieked, nearly dropping a mug. With wide, startled eyes, he found the source of the noise. Said source watched the emotional trait force his expression into something amicable, laughing loudly. 

“Um- good morning, Remus! I, uh, didn’t see you there.” 

“That was the point, MoMo,” Remus replied, dragging his claws screechingly down the side of a cabinet; Patton winced at the sound. 

“Can I help you with anything?”  _ Read: Why are you still here? _ Sometimes Remus wondered if he was  _ too  _ good at his job!

“Nope! Just enjoying the atmosphere, sketching, terrorizing…” He flipped onto his back, throwing his arm out and presenting his open notebook. 

“You draw?” Patton seemed weirdly happy about that fact, managing a more natural smile. Seemed he thought he’d found something to work with, but that was likely to change. 

“Of course I do, I  _ am  _ Creativity, after all!  _ Here _ .” He handed over the sketchbook with a Cheshire smile. The creative trait had ensured it was flipped open to a detailed depiction of a being composed of several flaming rings, all of which absolutely covered with bloodshot eyes. It had an indiscernible amount of wings that could only be counted as ‘too many’. In the center of the rings was a swirling black void (a type of ink that took Remus  _ weeks _ to conjure properly, thank you very much). 

He watched carefully as Patton studied the image, looking bemused.

“It’s an angel!” 

That seemed to only confuse the moral side more, making him tilt his head to a few different angles to look at the drawing. But he still didn’t seem upset by it, oddly enough.

“It certainly is an interesting interpretation,” He responded at last, “and all of these little lines must have taken you forever, that’s so impressive!” 

Truth be told, they had taken a while, and Remus was very happy that the effort had been noticed- but that wasn’t the point!

“That’s nothing,” he took the sketchbook back from Patton and flipped through more pages. Aha!  _ This  _ would fuck him up, for sure! A full-color illustration of someone hung up on a meat hook, rib cage pried open like a spike trap to reveal very painstakingly rendered organs. He was actually quite proud of this one. 

The only response that Patton gave, however, was a slight wrinkling of his nose when he first saw it, followed by more quiet observation. 

“What do you think?” Remus prompted, watching as Patton set the drawing back down on the counter and began to assemble things for breakfast, seemingly unaffected. 

“I wish I could draw that well, but I’m still not super good at it,” he said admiringly.

“I had to crack open my own ribs to make sure it was accurate, you know!” 

Morality yelped at that one- score one for Remus! Finally!

“You wanna see my re-imaginings of my favorite  _ Final Destination _ deaths? I’ve painted some with real- well, conjured- but real  _ enough  _ blood!” 

But Patton didn’t even flinch this time; he looked more determined even! 

“Art is a healthy outlet for expressing yourself,” he was almost certainly parroting Logan there, and he even seemed to believe the statement. Perhaps Remus would have to be a little more  _ creative  _ to get more reactions.

. “I agree! I didn’t expect _you_ to have such an open-minded point of view. I’ll be sure you’re the first side to know when I make my next amateur taxidermy sculpture! Emphasis on the amateur!”

“Great!” Patton practically shouted, very stubbornly staring at the stove.

Before Remus had the chance to continue, the distinct sounds of Logan and Roman arguing their way downstairs met his ears, and he cut himself off. That was enough for one day, he decided. And anyhow, he looked forward to trying new ways to bother Patton next morning.

Deceit rose into the shadows of the Light Side commons with a smirk. It was an awful hour of the night, which was part of the plan. Not only was Patton the first awake in the morning, he was also often the last to sleep. Deceit supposed that Logan was looking after Roman and Virgil’s sleep schedules nowadays, which made it much easier to catch the artificial patriarch alone. That isn’t to imply that Dee had been tracking their schedules or anything, but the overwhelming  _ lie  _ that Morality surrounded himself with made him easy to track-  _ especially  _ in the night, when he had to pretend even harder that he was fine without the presence of his little family. Deceit entertained the idea that he should feel bad for the side, and maybe he did somewhere deep down. Deep, deep down. No, further than that.

Regardless of any such feelings, he was here to mess with Patton. Still unnoticed, he watched quietly as his target scrolled through Netflix, illuminated only by the dim glow of the television. The side looked so tired that he could’ve passed as a corpse, but gave a tiny smile after finally selecting whatever it was he was going to watch.

Wait. Wait. He was watching  _ that _ ? 

Deceit stared at the unmistakable green text that was the intro to  _ The Good Place _ playing across the screen. If there was one thing he was expecting Patton to watch (Cartoons?  _ Friends  _ reruns? Slime videos?), it wasn't his own favorite show. 

“Hm.” Deceit hummed.

In response, Patton shrieked and fell halfway off the couch. His head darted around until he finally spotted Deceit, who had slid down to sit on the sofa as well. 

“Oh- um- good evening, Deceit! Wow, today is just full of surprises!” 

“ _ Surely  _ you won’t mind if I join you? This is one of my favorite shows, after all.”

Patton fixed his position so that he was no longer partially on the floor and looked the snake up and down. He paused the episode. 

“ _ Really _ ?”

“Really,” and then, after some trepidation, “Honestly.”

Suddenly, Patton lit up dramatically, a happy smile stretching across his face. Fuck, wrong direction, Deceit wasn’t supposed to be cheering him up!

“I’m surprised that someone like you would like it,” Deceit continued hastily. Patton’s smile fell a little and he tipped his head in confusion. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I  _ mean _ ,” He lounged back against the couch, “I didn’t think you’d approve of a show where all of the characters are such  _ bad people _ .”

“What?! The whole point is that they aren’t bad!”  _ Good, Back on track _ .

“Oh? Then what are they? Last I checked, the main character was very  _ selfish _ .”

“I- okay, I see what you’re trying to do,” Patton turned to face Deceit entirely, “But they’re- they also-” 

“Also  _ what _ ?” Deceit was also sitting sideways on the couch now, his eyes glinting. He was certain that he’d talked the trait into a corner, which was why he was so  _ utterly unprepared  _ for Patton’s response. 

“It’s, like, they all start off not great, but that’s because they were all set up for failure before the afterlife! They had it hard before dying, but when they were finally given the chance to actually get better, then they got better! They aren’t  _ perfect _ , but they care about each other! And I think it really shows that sometimes, somebody can be wrong over and over and  _ over  _ again, but that doesn’t mean that they’re hopeless, or that they’re a bad friend, or…” He trailed off, looking down at his lap and blinking very quickly. “Or that they’re a bad person.”

Suddenly, Deceit wasn’t that sure that he wanted to see Patton upset anymore. 

After a very uncomfortable silence that lasted far too long for his liking, the scaled side realized that he should probably be the one to say something. 

“That’s… a very in depth analysis, Morality. I’m inclined to agree with you.” 

“Thanks,” Patton replied. When he looked up, his eyes held an odd recognition. It was a look that no Light Side had ever given Deceit, but they gave it to each other plenty of times. The side in question wasn’t sure if he liked it, but he sure knew that he was uncomfortable. 

“So… The show…” He prompted. 

“Oh, right!” 

Patton pressed play. 

Deceit had planned on doing some more provoking of Patton as they watched, but he found himself rather caught up in the program. The conversation he  _ did _ end up making with the other incidentally slipped into chatting about their shared views on the show. It was almost nice. Maybe. Whatever. 

After a few episodes, Deceit elected to return home for the night. As he was sinking out, he heard a sleepy voice bidding him farewell.

“G’night, Kiddo.”

He popped up in his bedroom after that, eyes quickly landing on a half-asleep Remus half-watching  _ Saw 4 _ . The lights were dimmed to a glow, and the TV’s volume was so low that it might have been inaudible to anyone other than the more animalistic sides. 

“You didn’t have to wait up for me,” Deceit murmured warmly, sitting beside his fellow Dark side. The trait yawned and rubbed his eyes, instinctively leaning into him. 

“Wanted to,” he responded, voice groggy, “How’d it go?”

Deceit snapped his fingers to change into sleep clothes, reaching across Remus to flick off the lamp. As he settled in to semi-watch the movie, fingers automatically moving to card through his partner’s hair, he carefully considered the question. 

“Fucking. Weird.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave comments!!!! I will appreciate it so much!!!!! I love feedback!!!!!!  
> -WJ


	4. As Weeks Pass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton reflects on his strangely developing friendship with Remus and Deceit and tries not to scream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Canon fucked my whole shit up bro, and this fic very rapidly became non-canon-compliant (i do love the new episode anyway). Sorry about that. I'm still gonna finish it, though. I'm going to keep calling Janus 'Deceit' so as to maintain internal consistency (but don't get me wrong I love him and his name so much,,, janus stan first human second).  
> With that out of the way! I hope you like this longer chapter- I'm not totally happy with its pacing, but also who cares (i do, i care).  
> -WJ

“Did he come back this morning? What did he say?”

“He didn’t do anything  _ bad _ . Well, nothing  _ super  _ bad. I’m kinda getting used to it.”

“That’s worse!” Virgil was perched on the arm of the couch, staring up at Patton with troubled eyes. Beside him Roman and Logan sat together, the latter looking much less invested in the argument (though he was letting Virgil fidget with his fingers so as to avoid picking apart the threads of his hoodie). 

“It’s not so bad. I think he’s just looking for someone to talk to!” Well, it was like that  _ by now _ . Patton knew that that wasn’t how it started. It had been about two and a half weeks since Remus had first started popping up to meet Patton before breakfast, and he’d grown quite accustomed to it. Deceit often showed up at night, but his schedule was more sporadic. They did their best to upset him, but the emotional side refused to be mean, no matter what they did! 

But then he’d found that, as their interactions continued, they got much less distressing. They were something else entirely. Odd enough that Patton couldn’t keep himself from telling his family any longer.

“Just ignore him; he’ll get bored.” Roman said tiredly.

“True; if you want them to stop bothering you, it’s best to just not give the two any attention,” Logan added, prompting Roman to give a proud little smile and hum. 

Patton shifted, taking a moment to respond. He wasn’t sure he wanted them to stop bothering him.

_ Remus grinned at Morality for the second day in a row as he walked into the kitchen. Today, his hand was pressed firmly against the hot stove, skin bubbling in plain view.  _

_ “Oh! You’re back!” Patton forced a smile as he watched Remus nod and remove his red, blistering hand from the burner and heal himself instantly.  _

_ “Yup! Happy to see me?” _

_ Patton inhaled deeply, pressing his hands against his face. Though his eyes were covered, he could hear Remus giggling to himself. _

_ “Can I- Can I help you with something?”  _

_ The Dark Side seemed to mull the question over for a moment, and then placed his hand back down on the active burner and shrugged. After getting bored with the stove trick, he sat up and grabbed a knife from the block and stabbed it down between each of his fingers repetitively. Patton stood awkwardly, unsure of what to do. In his own kitchen. _

_ You know what? If Remus wanted to hang around while he made breakfast, then the more the merrier! Morality decided he could ignore the occasional tearing sound of a knife on flesh, putting on the coffee pot for when Logan and Virgil eventually woke up.  _

_ He continued on for a while, making pancakes in relative silence. Until his company got bored.  _

_ “Why do you do this every morning?” _

_ “Make breakfast?”  _

_ Remus nodded. _

_ “I do it because it’s nice to do something nice for the other sides.” _

_ “Yeah, but why?” _

_ “They’re my family,” Patton answered with a smile. The Duke seemed to toss the answer around in his head for a minute. _

_ “I mean, I can see how they’re each other’s family, cuz they’re fucking- what makes them  _ your  _ family, then?” _

They’re sides like me,  _ he could’ve said, but caught himself.  _ We care about each other,  _ was another answer that probably wouldn’t be great. So he didn’t say anything, faking distraction. _

_ “If you were  _ me _ ,” Remus continued, voice dipping, “You’d know that family means a whole lot of nothing.” _

_ The statement had that odd quality of recitation. He was quoting someone. The usual energy with which The Duke spoke was diminished, but before Patton could ask anything about it, footsteps rushed down the stairs and Remus was gone in a blink.  _

Part of him was happy that they’d grown on him- because it proved that he  _ wasn’t _ nasty or mean- but a much larger part was very, very guilty. He was so  _ sure  _ that they were that they were the mean ones, but now he couldn’t tell. He’d been wrong before.

Patton loved his ‘family’, he really did, but not the way they did each other. Truth be told, he’d also been looking for someone to talk to. 

_ “You’re back,” Patton acknowledged, his eyes barely open. Deceit didn’t look even a twinge sleepy, dressed as formally as he ever was and sitting with perfect posture. This was the fourth time. _

_ “Don’t sound too excited, Morality,” _

_ “Why are you here, again?”  _

_ “Oh, I’m wounded. I can’t just stop by to see my  _ favorite  _ side?”  _

_ Deceit had seemingly recovered from whatever had him acting less cruel in their previous interactions, but Patton couldn’t say that he was surprised. He wasn’t an idiot. If this was the game they were playing, then fine. Fine. _

_ He paused the episode of  _ Steven Universe _ he was rewatching and clicked back to  _ The Good Place _. It was the episode they’d left off on a few nights before.  _

_ “What are you doing?” Deceit sounded surprised. Patton shot him a look. _

_ “I’m putting on something we both like. It’s considerate. And don’t worry, I didn’t watch it without you.” _

_ The reptilian beside him scoffed, but he didn’t say anything, so. Point for Patton. _

_ They got through a full episode before Deceit spoke up again, pretending to inspect his nails through his gloves.  _

_ “You’ve got  _ quite  _ the healthy sleep schedule.” _

_ “You’re up too,” was the nicest way Morality could think to phrase,  _ you’re one to talk, jerk.

_ “I have the self-respect to sleep in late. I absolutely  _ abhor  _ the nighttime, but I’m guessing you’ve got another reason being up so late. Isn’t that right?” _

_ Patton paused the show.  _

_ “You really wanna know?” _

_ “Please, enlighten me.” _

_ The goal here, it seemed, was to upset and confuse. And the best way to trip up deception was by being honest, truly and completely. _

_ “I just need to not think. Just for a little while. It’s so hard not to think about all the not-great things I’ve done,” he’d never told anyone how bad it got at night. Maybe that’s what made it so easy to tell Deceit, to get some of the pressure off his shoulders with someone that wouldn’t look at him so pityingly. It was good to tell someone who wouldn’t care. _

_ It was a while before Deceit replied. _

_ “That was the first true thing you’ve said to me, I think. I suppose I should return the favor-” And Deceit looked at him, completely understanding, “Since you were so surprised to learn we found you unpleasant, Remus and I decided to show you why that was. In a way. But maybe that’s not what either of us need.” _

_ Patton finally glanced up, eyes wide. The fact that it was some malicious plot was unsurprising. The second statement was both surprising and confusing. But Deceit wasn’t meeting his eyes, and it was far too late to try to pry anything more out of him. So they just watched TV. Together. _

“Pat?”

Virgil’s voice broke him from his thoughts. Patton made sure that he was smiling before he looked up.

“Is there something you aren’t telling us? You’re kinda radiating anxiety right now, buddy,” Virgil’s face darkened, “Did they  _ do  _ something to you? So you won’t-”

“Or can’t,” Roman added.

“-Or can’t ask for help?” 

Patton appreciated the concern, but he couldn’t help it if the insinuation that they would control him made him wince a disgustedly. How could they really think that Deceit or Remus would do that? (he was pointedly ignoring the part of  _ himself _ that thought they did things like that less than a month ago.)

_ That morning, when Remus swung down from the top of the fridge in his kraken-like form, Patton hardly blinked. He yawned, in fact, smiling sleepily.  _

_ “G’morning.”  _

_ Remus picked himself up off the floor and shapeshifted into his usual appearance, pouting.  _

_ “Aww, you’re desensitized.” _

_ To be fair, he’d done this every morning for the past two weeks. Patton was quite used to the company, but he still threw his hands up and gave a very fake scream for Remus’ sake. That turned Creativity’s expression right around to a grin and he bounced his shoulders in a laugh. It was oddly cute. _

_ “Hey, I like this,” Remus announced, bending back the prongs of a fork. Morality smiled to cover up that he had no clue how to respond. He almost thought it was some kind of lure, and he wasn’t losing whatever this game was to them. But, Deceit had implied that whatever plan they had was disbanded. But Deceit was Deceit! But that moment had seemed so sincere, and honestly, he wanted to like this too- _

_ “Your eggs are burning,” said Remus, right against his ear. Patton startled at the sudden proximity, and also at the fact that he was totally botching breakfast.  _ Family  _ breakfast. _

_ “Shucks- Thanks-” he hastily took the pan off the heat, “Can I ask you something?” _

_ “Sure, but you might not like the answer,” The Duke warned, likely having no idea what Patton was going to ask about but knowing it was applicable regardless. _

_ “Why do you always leave when the others wake up?” _

_ He scrunched up his face, pausing whatever it was he was doing with a spare handful of forks. Morality had noticed that his various disturbing activities had gradually gotten a lot less deliberately upsetting and a lot more like he was just trying to keep his hands busy while chatting.  _

_ “‘Shucks’ is just a combination of shit and fuck,” he said instead of answering.  _

_ “Language!”  _

_ Patton let him change the subject; it wasn’t his business, anyway. Remus cackled- part relief but mostly genuine amusement- and carried on as though nothing had happened. Morality listened to him ramble, and looked over when Creativity wanted to show him some piece of art or his rapidly expanding silverware sculpture. Eventually, when footsteps filled the house and Remus was gone, Patton noticed an aching pain in his face. He quickly realized it hurt from how wide his smile had been. _

_ Oh- maybe ‘desensitized’ wasn’t the right word for how he felt about the Dark Sides. _

Morality was going to defend Remus and Deceit. Just like he’d defended Virgil to the others all those years ago, before everything (funny, that, and how the three of them ended up together. Maybe if traits listened to him more, they’d see he ended up right sometimes. And Patton hoped-  _ believed _ \- he was right about this).

“I don’t need help, and they didn’t hurt me! Honestly, they may be a little eccentric, but they aren’t… evil.” 

Three sides gazed incredulously at Patton. He couldn’t blame them, for as soon as he said it he could only hear it as something someone  _ else _ would be telling  _ him _ . He remained unwavering regardless.

“Well, of course they aren’t; they are sides of Thomas like the rest of us, and naturally they strive to do what they think is best for him. But, their methods and wants are unrealistic at best and extremist at worst, so it is fair that we’d be concerned.” 

Virgil grumbled low in his throat, looking slightly mollified. 

“I- well-  _ yeah _ , I just don’t want Patton getting in over his head.”

_ “What now?” _

_ It was the first night since their last weirdly emotional conversation, and though Remus showed up everyday, Morality had almost thought it was the last he’d seen of Deceit. He was relieved it wasn’t, and his question  _ really  _ wasn’t meant to come out that way. _

_ “You totally don’t just have to ask me to leave. It’s not like I’m no longer here on false pretenses- wait, not no longer- I confused myself,” while he was trying to parse out his own words, Patton let out a slightly surprised laugh.  _

_ “No, it’s alright, I- um, I’m used to you guys being around.”  _

_ The inaccuracy of the word “desensitized” once again flashed in his mind as he saw Deceit tamp down a smile, barely hiding the way his fangs peeked out.  _

_ “Well, I still haven’t seen the series finale of  _ The Good Place _ , so I might as well stay,” he drawled in feigned indifference.  _

_ “The show just wouldn’t be the same without your running commentary,” Patton playfully nudged the liar’s shoulder. _

_ They watched half of season four in one sitting.  _

Patton ran a hand down his face and groaned, earning a concerned look from his best friend. 

“I’ll tell you if I need help, I promise. But I need you to trust me that, right now, I’m  _ okay _ .”

“I trust you,” Virgil replied without hesitation, “It’s them I don’t trust.”

“Well, why not?” 

Logan and Roman exchanged knowing looks while Anxiety tensed his shoulders. He huffed, eyes downcast.

“I mean… it’s not exactly a secret that I didn’t leave on great terms. I wouldn’t be surprised if they still had it out for, like, all of us, due to association. Especially considering-” he gestured to Roman, who gave a solemn nod. Patton briefly reflected on the terrible fact that nobody in his life could communicate effectively (including himself (wow, maybe some of Deceit’s bitterness was rubbing off on him)). 

“That’s a risk I’m willing to take if it means there’s a chance that we’ll all come out of this for the better!” At this point it was unlikely that there was any risk, but arguing with his family made his head hurt.

“If you think you can get them to be cooperative, then I’m all for it. Our current state isn’t exactly sustainable in the long term, so we’d better resolve the issue sooner rather than later,” Logan said.

“It would be nice to not have to worry about those guys all the time, I guess. If you really think you can get them under control,” Virgil shifted uncomfortably. 

“Yes- but if they do get out of hand,  _ I  _ will take care of them for you, Padré!” Roman flew to his feet with a self-assured smirk, eyes blazing like he could see the scene before him as he summoned his sword. 

“That... is very sweet. I’ll keep that in mind, Ro,” Morality gently patted his arm, subtly trying to guide the sword out of its path of destruction. 

As the conversation lulled, Patton made his escape, calling out an excuse of making lunch. 

As Patton tidied his work space, his eyes flicked over the counters. He spotted a disheveled black sketchbook that lay forgotten by the stove, its cover swallowed by stickers and doodles which were unmistakably Remus’. 

That morning, The Duke had wandered in and pushed himself up onto the counter, holding out his sketchbook wordlessly, a smile on his face. It was routine by that point, but Patton was still ecstatic every time he got to see the art. While it was horrifying almost all the time, his love of drawing overpowered his disgust and he couldn’t help but shower the pictures with compliments (seeing the way Remus’ usual manic expression softened with appreciation was also a bonus).

After peeking his head around the corner to ensure that the rest of the sides were sufficiently distracted, Patton grabbed the lost leatherbound book and sank out to return it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you give me comments and feedback I will give you my firstborn,,,, I crave feedback,,,  
> -WJ


	5. An Overdue Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who knew convincing people to do something they really want to do would be so easy? (It isn't easy. Remus is so sick of his boyfriend's shit).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me??? Writing more Demus fluff???? Very predictable. This one is not nearly as long as the last, sorry 'bout that, but don't worry! We'll have a lot of ground to cover in the next chapter (which will ideally come out a week from now because my schedule has been really good lately but no promises).   
> It trips me up not being able to use Deceit's name in this, but I will not sacrifice my continuity!!   
> Also I'm slowly realizing that I don't exactly know how to write Remus but it's fine don't tell anyone.  
> -WJ

They were having a Conversation™. Remus hated Conversations™- he always tuned out at the wrong times- but what he hated even more was a dangerous lack of communication. 

“This is _ all  _ according to my plan- Patton is  _ exactly _ as shallow and incompetent as I thought he was,” Deceit spat dishonestly, throwing himself onto the bed. Remus continued spinning around wildly in his rolling chair. He considered vomiting from the dizziness, just for fun, but figured that it wouldn’t aid the Conversation™ much. Instead, he settled on expelling words and not his lunch.

“Isn't it a good thing that he’s not a bitch? If he  _ likes  _ us, and we’re all  _ sweet wittle friends  _ who sing songs and hold hands or whatever is up with his whole cottagecore aesthetic, then we don’t  _ need  _ any plan!” Remus stopped spinning for a moment to nod to himself, “I’m fuckable AND a genius. I really am the whole package, aren’t I?” 

Deceit tossed a pillow at him. 

“That’s  _ very _ realistic of you, Remus. Patton is going to completely forget years of animosity, and so will we, and so will all of the other ‘Light Sides’!”

Remus retrieved his pillow from the ground and took a large bite out of it without breaking eye contact. 

“I think,” he said around a mouthful of memory foam, “that you’re just really good at holding grudges.” 

The Duke was subjected to a withering glare from Deceit, the effect of which somewhat diminished due to the reptilian being completely sprawled out on the bed in a tee shirt and shorts. 

“ _ Ssso _ you forgive them?”

Remus shifted uncomfortably, resuming his spinning.

“It’s not like that, Dee. It’s like- excuse me for the vomit-worthy sentiment- we all move past it together. I’m not one for the boring non-violent option, but we’ve already tried doing everything else, and being an outcast is also starting to get boring.”

Deceit, a man who would die before admitting he was wrong about anything at any time, was not through arguing. However, rather than his usual drawl with heated undertones, his voice was hushed.

“ _ We  _ can move on, and so can Pa- Morality, apparently- hell, I’d bet that Logan would be all for it! But we need to consider…  _ Them _ .” 

The only noise after that was the squeaking of Remus’ spinny chair. Occasionally, one would open and then close his mouth, uncomfortably eyeing the other, but never speaking. 

Eventually, mercifully, there was a knock at the door. 

Remus hopped to his feet with a relieved grin. Deceit sat up quickly and snapped himself into his usual attire.

“Wait, who-” 

But before the snake could finish, his boyfriend had already flung open the door to reveal Patton on the other side. He wore a hesitant smile, holding something rectangular. 

“Hey, Kiddo. I don’t wanna intrude, but I think you left this in the kitchen this morning?” He held out the rectangle- a sketchbook! Remus’ sketchbook! Creativity snatched it back from him excitedly.

“Aw, thanks Patty! I’ve been looking for this!” He bumps Patton’s shoulder as he talks, half on accident and half a sign of appreciation. The emotional trait laughed, bumping back.

It’s crazy just how out of place Morality looked standing in his doorway, all pastel and neat and soft. The smile he returned was awkward, but happy and genuine, and it was kinda the best thing to look at. 

Remus zoned back in to see Deceit hovering by his shoulder, waving lazily at their visitor. Patton waved back, and the interaction grew prolonged. 

“Um- well- I’ll just be going, then,” he made to leave, which just wouldn’t do at all! The Duke grabbed his wrist. 

“Stay a while! if you’re  _ scared _ , I promise I only bite a little!” 

Patton giggled at the joke (it was only partly a joke).

“I wouldn’t want to be a third wheel-”

“You’d rather go be a fourth wheel?” Deceit spoke up unexpectedly, earning a proud look from Remus. Looked like he could interact with people after all!

Morality laughed again, tugging at the sleeves of his hoodie.

“Okay, point taken. I really do need to go make lunch for the others- they’d probably starve without me- but I could come back later?”

Before Deceit could say whatever snippy and non-committal thing he was going to say, Remus accepted the offer and told Patton to come by whenever (‘ _ but you might walk in on a sultry scene, Snakeskin can’t keep his hands off me _ ’) and swung the door closed. He spun around and grinned at his partner. 

“See?”

“What am I seeing.”

“It is _ that _ easy to make friends! Aren’t you gonna thank me for saving you from yourself?”

Deceit scoffed.

“You’d know if he didn’t wanna hang out with us! You have a literal super power that tells you when people are faking!”

Deceit rolled his eyes.

“Do you  _ want  _ to be a hermit forever?”

Deceit shrugged.

That was the last straw. Remus solemnly took a few steps until he and Deceit were nose to nose. He then threw an arm around Dee’s shoulders and sent them both careening onto the bed, at which point the snake finally made a sound.

“Urgh! Get off!”

“Not until you talk to me!” 

“You’re crushing me!”

“Tough Snitties!”

Deceit groaned loudly and went limp. Despite having six arms, he was all lank and not much strength. 

“ _ Fine,  _ you  _ win _ , I’ll talk!”

Remus rolled off of him and sat up. Deceit stayed on his back and glared threateningly at the chandelier. 

“I- I’m  _ not _ \- no, I  _ am _ \- Jesus-  _ I’m worried _ . This isn’t exactly familiar territory, people  _ liking  _ us. He’s probably still trying to prove a point to himself about how ‘nice’ he is.”

“Is he? You would know.”

“I can’t tell! I don’t think so, but it really isn’t that simple!”

That wasn’t good. DeeDee couldn’t just not know, he knew everything! About everyone! He was mysterious and hot and clever and if he didn’t know what was happening, then that meant that  _ Remus  _ would have to be the competent one. Fuck. 

“Well-  _ You’re _ the one who told him about our plan!  _ And _ you were the one that told him we weren’t doing it anymore!”

“I know! It seemed like a good idea at the time!”

“I think that a good idea would be telling him ‘we kinda fucked up, but so did you, let’s be friends,’ and moving on with our lives, Dee.”

“Horrible idea. And besides, what’s there to gain anymore, now that we’ve reached a stalemate? I won’t go on hurting the little guy, but I never said I’d do anything for him. The plan’s through, he knows that and so do we. Let’s just quit visiting him and leave it at that, seeing as there’s no point anymore-”

Remus  _ screamed _ . He took all of his frustration with the conversation and just howled. That shut Deceit right up.

“What the hell?!”

“You’re being stupid! You always do this, when there’s a problem that needs effort to solve you’re like ‘oh, let’s bail, we’ve got each other and it’s fine’! Face it, you’ve gone soft and you don’t wanna stop hanging out with Patton, but you’re scared! Ooh, Ooh, also!  _ We _ did bad stuff on purpose- and they totally deserved it- but I know for a fact that Patty’s fuck-ups were on accident.”

“...We  _ do  _ have each other.”

Of course that was what Deceit chose to focus on. Remus pulled his partner up to face him.

“Duh! But that doesn’t mean we give up on everything else, dipshit! Maybe now we can actually talk to Roman and Virgil!” 

They never said those names. It was an unspoken household rule. Remus never was any good at following rules.

Deceit’s eyes widened almost comically as he stared at The Duke, mouth slightly ajar. His shoulders were tensed up to his ears, but he didn’t argue. He didn’t snap. He was listening, finally. 

“Can we at least try letting things get better, Snakey?” Remus let his voice drop, running his hand up and down Deceit’s arm.

The trait let out a sigh, averting his eyes before answering.

“ _ No _ , I guess we  _ can’t _ .” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments and feedback!!!!! I will sell u my soul for one (1) comment.  
> -WJ


	6. Similarities in Loves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pretenses are dropped. They walk forward, for fear of falling back. (But they fall; just not how they expected).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS VERY LONG!!! and it is A Miracle that I finished it on schedule!! But I had a lot of ground to cover and I refuse to add another chapter when I already said that it was gonna be seven, so you get an extra long chapter. And also the next chapter will be very long because, again, a lot of ground to cover and I wanna do it justice.   
> I don't know what compelled me to make the summary so ominous and vague (and not really what this chapter is about for the first 3 out of the five segments), but I'm not changing it.  
> -WJ

Patton did end up visiting them- albeit several hours later. Deceit wasn’t quite sure how he felt as he watched Morality make himself at home in The Subconscious living room, but he was leaning towards happy. 

Though ‘make himself at home’, was a tad of a stretch, given all his uncomfortable fidgeting. Deceit could taste that there was something he wasn’t saying, but he didn’t have to wait long to see what it was.

“I- um- I brought you guys something-”

Of  _ course  _ he had.

“-as an apology.”

Wait, what?

Remus’ head shot up from where he was sifting through dvds, flashing Deceit a smug grin. Patton didn’t seem to notice as he elaborated.

“You guys have been so nice to me lately, even after I, uh, didn't exactly respect you as much as I should have. I didn’t give you enough credit for what you two contribute, and that was my bad, so here!” He waved his hand and an enormous, neatly folded quilt dropped into his lap. He stood from the couch, struggling to unfurl it.

Deceit’s eyes were saucers. The blanket was a spiral of triangles of lime green, pale yellow, and baby blue fabric. At its edges were small patches of violet, indigo, and red, along with a gray border and a large black circle in the middle of the spiral. Within that circle was the word ‘Family’, embroidered in vibrant rainbow colors.

“It’s okay if you can’t forgive me right away, but I just wanted you to know that you guys are part of my family now, as far as I’m concerned, and I-”

Remus threw himself at Patton with full-force, picking up the much taller side and twirling him around in what looked to be a crushing hug. Deceit remained silent and caught the quilt as it was flung from the two-side tornado. It was soft, smooth,  _ warm _ . 

“When did you… how did you have the time to make this?”

Morality’s face was flushed and he laughed, bright and airy, as Remus finally let him down. 

“That’s what took me so long to get here! You guys invited me over, and I didn’t want to show up empty-handed. I know I’m not the most artistic, but I think I’m pretty good at sewing.”

He’d spent hours making them a quilt- _ by hand _ , when he could just have conjured it- so he could offer them this olive branch. After everything. Deceit was choked up, but he wasn’t sure which emotions in specific were clogging his throat. His voice didn’t sound like his when he spoke.

“I am also sorry!” So it was a little stilted, cut him some slack! It was hard to focus on being well-spoken _ and  _ not lying at the same time, “You  _ are _ \- No, you  _ aren’t _ \- solely at fault for our  _ not at all _ strained relationship.” 

“What?” Patton didn’t seem to comprehend. Remus, who looked disgustingly proud of Deceit, translated for him.

“He’s saying that we’re also sorry for being giant cunts, thanks for the neat blanket, and let’s call it even?” 

The snake nodded in agreement. 

Patton’s eyes grew wide and his smile faded, leaving behind soft surprise. He clearly hadn’t expected any sort of forgiveness, which was both saddening and admirable. He was just a living teddy bear, wasn’t he?

With an exaggerated groan, Deceit placed the quilt to the side and stood, opening his arms. Remus cheered and caught him around the waist with his arm, pulling all three of them together for a tangled group hug. Deceit pretended to hate it, but it was very hard to.

After the two extremely affectionate traits finally got tired of squeezing the life out of him, Deceit extricated himself and determinedly ignored how hot his face had gotten. He curled up on the couch and held the bundled quilt to his chest protectively. Patton and Remus worked together to settle on a movie before joining him. The latter leaned in very close, whispering right against Deceit’s ear. 

“You think we can convince him into a threesome?”

Deceit turned the volume up twenty notches and sat next to Patton for the rest of the movie, out of spite.

It was hardly the last time Patton visited them. Deceit probably should have expected the clinginess from him, popping in daily to tell them about the latest happenings in The Conscious or show them a “““funny””” meme he’d seen on Facebook. Once that door of camaraderie had opened just a crack, the moral trait had enthusiastically torn it off its proverbial hinges. And the oddest thing was how little Deceit minded. 

Patton was, in many ways, like Remus. Energetic, imaginative, affectionate, and containing depths of emotions that you’d never guess he had at first glance. Some days, Morality would run in with bright markers and an even brighter smile to have Remus to teach him new art techniques. Other times, he’d shuffle to Deceit’s door late at night, eyes bloodshot, asking whisper-quiet for a cup of tea and to spend some time together. Those nights in particular stuck with the lying trait, when he would watch Patton’s expression slowly lighten as they chatted together, talking about everything and nothing.

Another bonus of all that had happened Logan, who had now become a friend to the former Dark Sides (Deceit was very thankful to be able to chat with someone else who was Competent). Never had Deceit been so glad that he was wrong about someone!

But, as he’d quietly admitted to both Morality and Logic just a couple nights ago, there was something missing. He hadn’t elaborated, but  _ apparently  _ he hadn’t needed to. Leading them to now.

When Remus and Deceit had been invited for breakfast that morning, they’d of course agreed (you just can’t say no to Patton’s puppy eyes), but they were quickly abandoned with Roman and Virgil by the two bespectacled sides. The blue-hued traits supposedly had a surprise and would be right back, but Deceit could taste the lie. Yet, constrained as he was by the societal expectation to not freak the fuck out when things didn’t go the way he liked, he waited patiently while refusing to make eye-contact with Anxiety.

But then his good-for-nothing despicable traitor of a boyfriend stood up.

“I’ll be right back, I’m going to go stand in the kitchen and wait for things to be less awkward!”

Roman, similarly the worst, jumped to his feet as well.

“And I left the stove on!” 

So now he was just. Staring at his ex-best friend. Which was fine. 

He took a sip of his drink.

“Are you drinking wine at nine in the morning?” Virgil asked suddenly. Deceit looked down at his own drink, then towards the identical wineglass sitting by the other’s plate. 

“Yes? Aren’t you?”

“This is apple juice,” he held the glass up and swirled it, earning a snicker from Deceit. 

“Why are you drinking apple juice from a wine glass?” 

“Why are you drinking wine at  _ nine in the morning _ ?” 

He jerked his thumb in the direction of the kitchen, brow raised in a silent explanation:  _ I’ve got that one, remember? _ Virgil nodded solemnly, a smile playing at his lips. With that miniscule, vaguely pleasant interaction, they returned to silence.

“Patton sure is taking his sweet time,” Deceit thought it only fair that he be the one to break the quiet this time, just so they were even.

“Something tells me it’s gonna be a lot longer. It’s kinda obvious what he’s doing.”

“Mm. Subtlety is not one of his virtues. It’s a nice gesture, though,” the lack of hostility in the conversation was beginning to irk him. It was almost nice. God, he’d missed it, he hated how he’d missed it.

“Yeah…” Virgil glanced away and shifted in his seat, “Yeah.  _ He’s  _ nice.”

“I agree.”

“Look,” the anxious side set his glass down, “Pat’s my best friend, so I’m doing this for him. I think he’s been kinda lonely lately, and I feel... responsible. Like, he’s not into me or Ro and Lo, and we aren’t either, but it’s- it’s not the same now, the four of us. And it’s pretty obvious that you guys make him happy- he talks about you all the time- so I’m giving you this one chance. Don’t fuck it up, and don’t you  _ dare  _ hurt him.”

Deceit blinked, blindsided. Sincerity got to him, it got under his skin and tore apart his quick wit like it was paper. He had to clear his throat a couple of times before any actual words came to him.

“I won’t repeat my past mistakes. I-” he nearly shuddered, “I promise it.”

Virgil seemed appeased, his expression easing into something more familiar (painfully familiar and new all at once). His lips quirked up in a smug smirk.

“Good. Didn’t wanna have to nudge you down a staircase, anyway.” 

Deceit chuckled. From there, the conversation flowed almost naturally. It wasn’t like old times. Maybe that was a good thing. It wasn’t quite friendly, not yet, but there was an impression. If he played his cards right, if he stayed genuine, then it would be. Soon. And that was enough for now.

Remus scrambled to the top of the fridge and loomed over his brother. He was, for once, not the first to talk. 

“So we wait it out in here until Sherlock and Watson get back from whatever it is that they’re pretending to do-”

“Which is when Snakey and Virgey kiss and make up-”

“Which will be never,” Roman concluded, sitting on the counter. He idly smoothed down his already meticulously styled hair (vain bitch). Remus picked a flea from his own scalp and flicked it at him spitefully, but it went unnoticed. Just like everything he did. 

“I don’t know why they couldn’t have let  _ me _ in on their little scheme, I shouldn’t have to be between  _ that  _ situation.”

Remus laughed wickedly, a noise with very little mirth and a whole lot of frustration. 

“Mhm, yeah- you’re just a saint, getting along with everybody! You haven’t got a single problem to work out!”

“I didn’t say that,” Roman replied indignantly, “I know that Deceit and I don’t have a great history, but we get along  _ fine  _ now.”

Unbelievable. No- it was completely fucking believable! Remus should just hit him, tear his arms off and beat him with them, pull out the ol’ morning star and smash his brother’s skull in. How stupid he’d been to think that this could be fixed. Roman was impossible. No matter how hard Remus tried, he’d never get anywhere, no matter how supportive Patton was.

“Whoah, you okay?”

The Duke blinked, staring down at the angry, crescent-shaped marks that he’d clawed into his arms unknowingly. He tilted his head to stare at the other Creativity. 

“Not really, no!” 

Roman seemed taken aback. He leaned up and rested his arms on top of the fridge beside Remus.

“Don’t let Patton see you do that, he’ll have a fit,” he joked, reaching up to grab Remus’ hands. The Intrusive trait scrambled away to the other edge of the appliance.

“Don’t tell me what to do, and don’t pretend to care about what I do!” 

“What? What are you-” Roman cut himself off, his face clouding with realization, “Oh.”

“What is it  _ now _ ?” 

“I- I’m supposed to talk to you, aren’t I?” 

Remus stared at him for a long, thoughtful moment. He then erupted into cackles, spitting laughs out like it was the only thing stopping him from breaking down (it was). 

“Oh, what _ ever _ . Don’t pretend you don’t hate me just for Patty’s sake.”

Roman hopped off the counter, standing in front of the fridge with arms crossed. He looked angry- but not angry  _ at  _ Remus? That was new. New and weird. 

“You think I hate you?”

“I  _ know _ you hate me, Roro,” he pulled himself to the edge of his platform, swinging his legs out in front of him. 

“Do you hate  _ me _ ?”

Remus wasn’t quite sure how to answer that one. It was fine, because Roman didn’t wait for a response anyway.

“Get down here.”

“Why should I?” 

“So I can- so we can- Ugh, just get down!”

The Duke got down. Curiosity killed the cat, after all (or the cephalopod, as the case may be). 

Once within his reach, Roman threw his arms open and wrapped Remus up in a fierce hug.

Remus swayed, suddenly very dizzy. Was the world always this blurry? No, no, maybe he was crying? Or maybe he’d gone blind? It didn’t matter either way, all that mattered was that someone was hugging him. Willingly. 

“You’re my  _ brother _ ,” Roman hissed, “You annoy the hell out of me. And we don’t get along much. And we fight, a lot, but it wasn’t ever anything more than that. I didn’t mean for it to be more than that. You’re my  _ brother _ -”

“You already mentioned that part-”

“Shush!”

He shushed.

“I don’t  _ hate  _ you. How could I?”

Oh. Well. Hm. That changed things.

Remus’ awareness jolted back into him then. He lifted Roman off the ground with ease and spun around in wide circles, smiling with all of his teeth (which said a lot; he had quite the array of teeth). He held on like his brother would disappear if he let go, conjuring more limbs for the express purpose of holding on tighter.

“ _ Rem _ !” 

“Yeah, bro?” his voice was giddy, and distinctly wobbly, but that was irrelevant. He spun again.

“I- I’m very glad that we’re having this bonding moment, but I think you broke my ribs.”

“Oh, oops,” Remus let go immediately, dropping Roman to the floor. He offered a shrug in apology.

“Oh yeah, I don’t hate you either, by the way.”

“I assumed so,” Roman wheezed, using the counter to pull himself back to his feet. He gave Remus a lopsided smile.

“It’s good we don’t hate each other. Now I don’t have to knock you out whenever I wanna hang out with Patty.”

“Yeah,  _ that’s  _ a relief.”

“Wow, we’re good at this whole reconciliation thing! Let’s go rub it in Vee and Dee’s emotionally constipated faces!” In mere minutes Remus already forgot what being sad felt like. Life was good and he had no problems anymore! 

“We probably  _ should _ make sure they haven’t killed each other,” Roman held a hand out, which Remus grabbed gleefully.

“Ugh! Why are you  _ always  _ sticky?!”

“Do you really want the answer to that?”

“Abso-fucking-lutely not.”

They returned to the dining room, hand-in-hand, only to find their respective boyfriends having a perfectly civil conversation. 

‘Coincidentally’, as soon as Remus and Roman resumed their places at the table, Patton and Logan rose up with an enormous stack of stunningly fluffy pancakes. They shared a secretive smile- as though they genuinely believed that nobody knew what they’d done. Deceit didn’t correct them, but only because he hardly wanted to admit that they’d been successful (maybe it was just  _ him _ that was bad at making plans; everybody else seemed to have it down). 

Breakfast was short. Deceit could’ve just finished eating a five course meal and he’d still find it hard not to wolf down Patton’s cooking,  _ especially  _ his breakfast food.

And naturally, Deceit offered to help clean up, which had also been a quick task. He’d just dried his hands and flashed Morality a small smirk, turning to leave. He didn’t get far before Remus grabbed his arm and swung them both back into the kitchen. 

“Before we leave, aren’t we forgetting something, DeeDee?” 

Patton set down the last plate and shot them a confused look.

“I haven’t the slightest clue what you mean, dearest,” Deceit claimed, pointedly not looking at either of them. Patton was growing progressively more bemused.

“Did you lose something again, Re?” 

“ _ I  _ haven’t, but Dee seems to have lost his  _ manners _ .”

The dishonest trait threw his arms up and groaned. If he was only a tad less in love, he'd have decked that look off of Remus’ face.

“Alright! Patton, from the bottom of my heart, thank you!”

“What are we thanking him  _ for _ ?” Remus needled.

“ _ Everything, _ ” he’d intended it to come out biting and sarcastic, and was disgusted to find his voice laced with  _ sincerity _ , of all things! 

There was most certainly an adoring, proud look on Patton’s face. He was looking away, he did not see it. 

“Oh, you two,” he still heard him though, rambling on, “It was just the least I could do!” 

Remus made a  _ noise _ . It was loud and completely unintelligible, but with a general air of happiness. And, for what was very much not the first time, Deceit was crushed in an over-enthusiastic threeway hug with no means of escape. He hissed, the noise dying on his lips as soon as he saw the wide and excited grins on both Patton and Remus’ faces that were very,  _ very  _ close. 

Morality really had done something amazing for them- something that Deceit had hoped for for  _ ages _ . Now the side just looked so happy with himself, with what he’d done, and with  _ them _ .

Deceit looked between Remus and Patton. 

The human half of his face was burning. 

He looked again, just to be sure. 

Those were definitely the same feelings, huh? Oh  _ fuck. _

“You guys are just too much,” Patton laughed, clearly unaware of Deceit’s impending emotional crisis. His hold around Deceit’s waist had tightened, and with little warning, both him and Remus were  _ no longer on the ground _ .

The former Dark Sides caught eyes. The red of Remus’ face contrasted dramatically with the green of his apparel. 

_ Double fuck.  _

Patton had clearly mistaken their stunned silence as uncomfortableness, letting them down gently and stepping back.

“Sorry, I got a little carried away.”

“It’s fine!” Was Deceit’s voice always that shrill?

“Yeah, don’t worry about it! But we have to go, right now- important, mysterious things to do! You know us, pure villainy!”

“Yes, that, what he said!”

They sunk out.

It was quiet as they appeared in The Subconscious. Remus looked at his boyfriend. Deceit was staring back, but his mind was very clearly miles elsewhere.

“So. We should maybe talk about that.”

The trait opened his mouth to speak, still looking rather dazed, but Remus interrupted him.

“I swear to God, babe, if you say ‘talk about what?’, or ‘oh, Dear, I have no idea what you mean,’ I am going to rip your esophagus out with my teeth and swallow it.”

Deceit’s mouth snapped shut, then open, then shut. He shuffled over to the couch and proceeded to drop onto it like a ragdoll.

“I think I have feelings for Patton.”

Remus sighed in relief and flopped down next to him, draping his arms across the shell-shocked snake side. 

“Glad we’re on the same page.”

“You’re _ happy _ ?”

He thought the question over carefully, and an absolutely terrifying possibility occurred to him.

“Yeah- I- we  _ are  _ on the same page, right? Like, he’s super cute and nice and fuckable, but you and I still…?” he let himself trail off. There were very few things that Remus struggled to say, but the thought that two of his favorite people would move on from him- together, no less- was both wildly horrifying and too familiar to verbalize. 

Deceit snapped out of his stupor long enough to glare angrily at Remus- more specifically, glare at the train of thought that he knew Remus was following.

“I’ll always love you, you idiot. Nobody and nothing will change that.”

Remus smiled- not a grin, but a smile- and exhaled slowly. Good, back on track.

“I love you, too. Right, now what do we do?”

“... _ Do _ ?”

The Duke sat up straight enough to bonk his head against Deceit’s, eliciting a small ‘ow’. 

“Yes,  _ ‘do’ _ ; when people have feelings for each other they do something about it- especially when that person is their friend. Unless you were planning on ignoring this, pushing it down, and going back to keeping Patton at arm’s length, which would ruin a perfectly good relationship in an effort to  _ not  _ ruin that relationship. Was that what you wanted to do?” 

“Well when you put it like  _ that _ ... No.”

“Alright, my pretty little liar, what  _ do _ you want?”

Deceit hid his face in Remus’ neck. His muffled voice said something sounding a lot like ‘ _ I have no fucking clue _ ’.

“I can tell you what I’d like?”

More muffled noises: translation ‘ _ If you say threesome I’m going to end you _ ’.

“No- well, yeah- but I meant that we should woo him!”

Deceit pulled back to squint up at Remus.

“Woo him?”

“This whole conversation, you’re just a broken record- yes,  _ do _ , yes,  _ woo _ ! We could be a throuple!”

The Duke saw Deceit very nearly say ‘ _ throuple? _ ’, before deciding to actually contribute to the discussion.

“I will admit, that sounds… alright, it sounds lovely. In theory. Do you really think that’s a good idea, though? Why should we risk it- we’ve only just fixed things, why go breaking them again?”

“So if Patton isn’t interested, he’s not going to be friends with us anymore, either? Does that sound like something he’d do?”

“Well- not really- but-”

“Who was right about making friends with him in the first place?”

Deceit glowered, answering begrudgingly.

“You were. But still-”

“ _ Who  _ was right about fixing things with Virgil?”

“ _... You _ .”

His gaze remained hesitant, so Remus continued.

“And who’s going to be right about this, when the three of us are all sucking face?”

Deceit dropped his head back against the couch and closed his eyes.

“Why do you keep being helpful? I’m supposed to be the smart one in this relationship.”

“Trust me babe, I hate it too,” Remus sympathized, “D’you want me to go microwave some silverware? You can brag to Logan about single-handedly saving my life from the explosion!”

The dishonest side smirked, leaning forwards once more to peck Remus’ cheek. 

“That’s an  _ awful _ idea, my love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah shout-out to that comment that said that Roman and Remus should hug because that made me restructure the entire chapter just so that I could make sure it made sense for them to,,, because you were Very Right (and you also totally predicted where I was going with this, they are gonna try to woo him (keyword: try (it turns out happy I promise (but no spoilers)))).   
> Also I realize I mention a big hug in which someone picks someone else up literally Three Times in this,,, and I think that's me just. Really wanting someone to pick me up and spin me around and also I haven't seen my friends in person in a while, cuz ya know,,, so.   
> Anyway, big twirly hugs are the best kinds of hugs and I'll die on that hill!  
> Leave Comments Please <3 <3 <3 <3  
> -WJ


	7. Finally, The Plan Succeeds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton is Painfully, Painfully oblivious to obvious advances.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last Chapter!!!! Finally!! And oh wow, this is fic ended up being Novella length!!! But now we have the thrilling, fluffy fluffy conclusion!!! I really hope ya like it!   
> Also I did accidentally give Patton adhd and y'all need to accept this (I lightly alluded to it in earlier chapters but I went full ham on this one with him stimming). None of The Sides Are Neurotypical If I Have Anything To Do With It (And I Do). I also very very vaguely imply Janus to be agender at one point just go with iiiit.   
> I feel like my biggest issue is pacing,, but I kinda like how this turned out? I'm definitely gonna do more slowburn in the future (and Currently Am doing More Slow Burn. Shhhhhh don't tell anybody).   
> -WJ

Patton felt better than he could ever remember feeling. Sleep came easy as it hadn’t for him in years. It was amazing how far a little bit of understanding went.

When all your closest friends are together, you get lonely. Patton wouldn’t say that he was jealous, but everything was _ different _ now. When he used to spend time with the others, it was four pals spending quality time together! Now when they did, it was a date, except oops! Patton’s here too! How awkward!

He knew that was unfair. They didn’t really think of him that way, of course not. Hence why he didn’t bring it up.

It wasn’t like that with Remus and Deceit. Even though they were dating, Patton never felt left behind. Their humor was dark and snarky but accessible, not laden with inside jokes that he’d missed out on or specific clues that he didn’t pick up. 

The inclusiveness they treated him with was probably borne from being excluded for so long, though he didn’t like to think about that. The fact was, the three were friends now, the past was past, and Patton was drinking in their companionship like fine wine (or, to be more accurate to himself, a grape juice box).

It did not take him long to figure out why he was so fond of their company. You can only spend so much time with Deceit prattling about the dangers of repression before you start to unearth all of those deeply buried feelings.

He’d fallen for the Dark Sides. Whoops. 

Could you really  _ blame _ him? Deceit, suave and clever and funny, yet so gentle when he wanted to be; Remus, bold and brash and energetic, but still with such a deep empathy hidden in him! It was no wonder that the two were already together- anyone who spent as much time with them as they spent with each other would be head-over-heels as well! (Patton was speaking from experience on that one). 

Initial surprise regarding the feelings had soon faded to something almost comfortable. He was happy to have them as his friends alone, so what was a little crush? No big deal!

...Was what he had thought ten minutes ago, when there  _ wasn’t  _ an affectionate Remus wrapped around him, chattering off various compliments.

“I could hold you forever, Patty. You are just the softest, like a water balloon full of blood and organs! But still so  _ ripped _ , I mean,  _ damn _ !”

“Language,” Patton chided meekly, trying very hard to not dissolve into the ether.

“Awww, you can’t make an exception for  _ me _ ? Just this once? I’ll make it worth your while~,” the last part was a hushed sing-song right near Morality’s ear. He felt his face redden, but forced himself away to refocus on… whatever he had been doing.

“Nope, no exceptions,” he chirped, going back to- right! Cleaning!

“You aren’t tempted at _ all? _ You are so responsible- and that’s really one of the  _ sexiest _ qualities there is.”

It was just Remus’ nature to talk to people like that, Patton told himself firmly. The Creative side was just expressing his friendly affection in a way that made sense to him. It came alongside being close to someone so unused to ‘typical’ friendship dynamics, after all. Patton reminded himself of this again and again, denying himself the desperate urge that welled up and told him to respond in kind. He would not purposefully misinterpret Remus’ actions for his own gain, he was better than that!

“Thank you, Rem,” just nice, platonic gratitude for nice, platonic compliments. 

Eventually, finally, _ mercifully _ , The Duke had seemed to get bored. He disentangled himself from Patton (appearing rather crestfallen, though the moral trait wasn’t sure why), and wandered off. 

But that, whether for good or for bad, was hardly the end of that.

Deceit’s room was magnificently cozy. It was armchairs that swallowed up whomever sat in them, warm lamps casting down on all surfaces, and jazzy music playing distantly in the background. In other words, the perfect place for a good cup of tea and some sandwiches, not to mention pleasant conversation.

Deceit lounged back in his oversized chair, sending Patton an inscrutable look across their teacups. The side smiled, hoping that was the appropriate response.

“So,” he drawled, switching the track of their conversation abruptly, “You’re something of a seamster, aren’t you?”

Patton stared blankly for a moment before the term clicked.

“Oh, you mean a seamstress?”

“Sorry, I thought you’d prefer the masculine, but that really was presumptuous of me,” Deceit amended in apology. 

“I didn’t know that there was a word for it other than seamstress. Hey, isn’t it kinda weird how some jobs are like that, when you think about it? Like how there’s actors and actresses! Why wouldn’t ‘actor’ be all encompassing, ya know?”

Deceit made a vague noise of disinterest and waved his hand, as though manually cutting off the tangent in conversation.

“Yes, gender is a distasteful societal construct and an overall prison to our consciences, we both agree- but  _ regardless _ , you sew. Make clothing and things like our quilt. Isn’t that right?”

“Right- yes.”

“Do you make all of your own clothes, then?”

“Hmm, sometimes I do- I mostly make stuff for the others. It’s easier to conjure simple stuff for myself, but making them  _ is  _ a lot of fun!” Morality gestured enthusiastically to the pastel pink sweater that he wore, fluffy and intricately patterned. 

Deceit’s eyes glinted in a strange, intimidating, and also incredibly hot way. Patton almost forced the attraction out of his mind, before realizing that that kind of repression would definitely be noticed in this part of the Mindscape. 

“I would have to say you have quite the talent, in that case,” the dishonest trait set down his cup and craned his body over the small table between them, heterochromatic gaze alight with…  _ something _ . Patton cleared his throat. 

“W-Why’s that?” 

“You look  _ positively hideous  _ in that, my Dear,” he purred in obvious lies, gloved hands now sitting in the middle of the table and creeping forward by the inch.

“Aw, thanks,” Patton croaked, fighting the urge to lean forward in turn. 

Something strangely disappointed flashed in Deceit’s eyes, but he quickly recovered. He reached out to run a hand along Patton’s sleeve, the touch lingering against his arm.

“My my, that’s just like a cloud. How did you manage that, Darling?”

Morality shivered as Deceit continued to toy with the fabric of his sweater. 

“I-It’s probably because it’s made with love! Since that’s what I am, kinda,” he stammered, desperately trying to keep up the cheery tone.

“I’m inclined to agree. There’s beauty in all you touch, Sunshine.”

Oh, the  _ pet names _ . Patton really couldn’t take it; he jerked away and pressed his back against the chair, before he had the chance to do something stupid. Honestly, it was sad how hard this was for him- Deceit was just trying to be a good friend! It wasn’t his fault that he showed it with flirts!

“You’re too sweet,” with distance reestablished, Morality found it much easier to formulate words, “I really appreciate you, Dee.”

Deceit blinked, still hovering over the table. He cleared his throat and snapped back into his seat, suddenly looking the part of the cold and distant Dark Side that Patton had feared just months prior. Guarded, callous, stoic. It was almost frightening, how quickly he changed. 

“Yes, I know you do. Let’s change topics, shall we?”

Patton, feeling quite a bit of whiplash, nodded hesitantly. Their conversation continued to flow normally, for the most part, but he couldn’t help feeling that he’d messed up somewhere. There was something heavy over them, but Patton hadn’t the slightest idea what it was. 

For a brief, dizzying moment, he wondered if they were moving backwards. If he’d somehow crossed a line when he was trying so hard not to, and now they were two steps back again. Just the thought of it made him too sick to finish his tea.

Patton didn’t have to be worried for long about that particular mishap, thankfully, as a very momentous occasion had swallowed up the fear. Remus and Deceit were going to be joining in their first ever movie night as part of the family! 

There’d been plenty of TV marathons with just them and Pat already, but now they’d all come together! As part of the group!! Contributing to the voting and the arguing and the joking and the experience of it all!!! Needless to say, Patton was practically bouncing off the walls in his excitement. 

He plopped down onto the couch with a bowl of popcorn, passing a much larger container of snacks to the amorphous blob of limbs and sass that had once been his three best friends, cuddled together far across from him. Now, all they needed were the Dark- sorry,  _ former  _ Dark Sides.

He wasn’t waiting for long before Deceit and Remus appeared in the living room (Remus, thank the lord, wearing actual pajamas). Patton couldn’t contain the happy little chirp that escaped him, scrunching himself to one side of the sectional so that they’d have plenty of room to make themselves at home.

Rather than huddling together in the crook of the curved sofa, however, Deceit immediately gestured for Patton to scooch over, and Remus sat on his other side. Morality was happy (if a bit surprised) to comply with this new seating arrangement, flashing them bright smiles. In light of recent events, being so close with both of them was a little dizzying, but it wasn’t too hard to bear. For now.

The conversation on which movie to watch that night was more agreeable than usual, which was nice; they got right to the marathon with little hassle. Patton sighed as the opening credits to  _ Tangled  _ played. At that moment, his life couldn’t get any more wonderful. Surrounded by the people he cared about, finally all together, it was perfect. 

And then, a mere ten minutes in, Remus leaned his chin on Patton’s shoulder and pressed into his side. 

“Mother Gothel is  _ such  _ a Milf.”

Patton would usually have been put off by the sexual comment, but at that moment Deceit had also seemed to decide that he’d make a good headrest. Which was fine, this was fine. Some mild friendly cuddling- nothing he couldn't handle!

Another twenty minutes later and Remus twisted an arm around his waist. Deceit held Patton’s hand between a couple of his own. By this point, they were beginning to look a lot like the cuddle pile wrapped up together on the other side of the couch. He was still alive, though!

Neither of the sides beside him moved an inch until the film ended, only begrudgingly letting go when Morality had to get up for a snack refill. Even then, they latched back onto him as soon as he returned. Thus began the second movie, and the beginning of Patton's slow and snuggly death.

Every few minutes, it would be something else: Deceit ran a hand or two through his hair, Remus hooked his leg around Patton’s, Deceit nuzzled against his neck, Remus laughed into his shoulder, et cetera et cetera  _ et cetera _ .

Three movies in and he was barely keeping up with the conversation. His head was spinning and he was sure he’d never been so  _ warm _ , but more than that he felt  _ protected _ . Even adored. He wasn't often on the receiving end of affection, and the longing brought with it ached, but he never wanted it to end.

Then Virgil yawned (oh yeah, the other three were still there), exiting from the ending credits of  _ All Dogs Go To Heaven _ and clicking back to the main screen.

“Bed time,” he grumbled, a tone so intimate and low and clearly meant for his boyfriends that Patton almost felt bad for overhearing it. 

“It  _ is _ getting quite late,” Logan agreed, standing to stretch. Roman followed suit and dragged a sleepy Anxiety up with him.

Virgil tossed the remote in Patton's general direction and let Roman haul him up in his arms (Deceit caught it with an unoccupied arm, given that the moral side’s brain was currently jelly). The three bid their goodnights and were gone with a few shimmers of color and a  _ whoosh. _

“I guess we should head up, too,” Patton murmured, working very hard to disguise his reluctance. To his surprise, the traits sandwiching him only sank further into his sides.

“Oh, you’re absolutely right, it’s so very late,” Deceit rumbled, his face partially hidden in the crook of Patton’s neck.

“Yeah, I’m  _ exhausted _ . I can’t move,” Remus added, his voice ticking up in a noticeably mischievous way. 

“I can’t either. We should stay, just like this.”

Patton's heart warmed, looking between their adorably sleepy faces. He couldn’t lie, the offer was tempting, but in such a situation his brain came back to him. Despite the continued proximity of his crushes, this was something he could handle! 

“Aww, don’t you worry about it, I’ve got ya,” and, making very sure that his grip was secure, Patton stood up with Deceit and Remus cradled in either arm. He hardly staggered under the weight of the sides, familiar with such heavy lifting. 

Remus and Deceit went from sleepiness to pure shock in a matter of milliseconds. Deceit instinctively clung to Patton with all of his limbs, meanwhile Remus gave a startled laugh. Their faces were a matching pink; oh, he could have made them uncomfortable!

“Is this okay? I promise I won't drop you.”

Remus nodded frantically; Deceit squawked in an affirming sort of way. 

Relief washed over Patton and, satisfied with the response, he sank out in a circle of cyan. For a moment, he feared that the nausea that The Subconscious usually brought him would unsteady him, but he was left pleasantly surprised when he felt none. In fact, it felt just like rising up anywhere else. Just as easy as breathing. Hm.

He didn’t dwell on it too long, ascending The Subconscious’ staircase and bringing his cargo to the first bedroom he saw (Deceit’s). He nudged the door open with his shoe, carrying them right to the bed and dropping them down gently. Remus fell onto his back with a happy hum; Deceit stayed upright and stared at Patton with wide eyes. He huffed a laugh and nudged The Snake's shoulders, and Deceit let himself fall beside his boyfriend, dazed. 

This was routine for Patton: grabbing the covers and blanketing his friends, as he’d done for probably every other side at one point or another (even Logan, though he would deny it furiously). Once Remus and Deceit were sufficiently tucked in, he stood up and dimmed the lights to near darkness. 

“Alright, you two have a good night's sleep.”

There was a noise of approval from the pair. Patton gave them one last smile before disappearing back to his own room. To scream into his pillow and think about how gay he was.

Which meant that he didn't get the opportunity to hear the interaction that followed between Dee and Ree.

“Well, that didn’t backfire at all.”

“I want him to snap my spine in half like a glow stick. He could break every bone in my body and I would  _ thank _ him,” Remus replied dreamily. Deceit hummed in agreement. 

“Perhaps we should try a more… direct approach, as this doesn’t seem to be working in our favor.”

“I dunno about you, but I’m feeling pretty fuckin’ favored right now.”

“I was suggesting that we be more-” he very nearly gagged, “ _ Straightforward _ .”

“More like gay-forward, actually,” Remus corrected, “But I’m with you! You know I love being direct.”

“Now when I say  _ direct _ , I don’t mean blunt.”

“I don’t understand the difference.”

“I know you don’t. Let me do the talking.”

“Fine by me! Whatever works to get him to pick me up and throw me!”

Deceit rolled his eyes, settling his arms around Remus. 

“Yes, yes- but I’m actually  _ wide awake  _ right now, and I’d love it if you keep being loud all night, Dearest.” 

“Oh, right,” Remus lowered his voice, curling himself around the lying side in turn. Together, their breathing slowed. As they drifted to sleep, the feeling of Patton's arms around them still ghosted their skin.

Patton was cleaning  _ furiously _ . He’d already reorganized the entirety of his room- twice, for that matter- and now he’d moved to the Common area. It hadn’t been so much as a week since his last tidying session, and the Mindpalace was pretty much spotless, but that was irrelevant. It was as good a distraction as any.

Maybe he was avoiding the trifecta of trifling traits- aka his best friends- because he  _ knew  _ that they’d ask about why he was being so weird lately. Maybe he was avoiding Deceit and Remus, the reason that he’d been weird lately. Maybe he was just avoiding his  _ thoughts _ about them, because seeing them all cozied up and sleepy and  _ adorable  _ a couple nights ago really hadn’t helped settle his growing infatuation with them. Most likely, he was avoiding all three. 

But he had failed to take into account that The  _ Common Area  _ was not the best place for avoiding stuff. Given that it was. A Public Space. 

“Patton,” began the voice of Deceit behind him, in a tone deadly serious.

He spun around to see a very embarrassed Dee and an immensely giddy Remus. Well,  _ Shhhhh-ucks _ . Shucks. 

“Hey!” Patton tossed the sponge in his hand back into the sink and pretended that he wasn’t freaking out at that exact moment. 

Deceit hardly registered the greeting, continuing: 

“We need to talk to you.”

“What about?”

The Snake opened his mouth, and promptly closed it. His eyes had widened concerningly, and he cast his gaze downwards.

“We-” he cut off again. Patton’s worry was mounting. 

“DeeDee?” Remus prompted, elbowing his partner’s side, “I thought you were doing the talking?”

“I-I  _ can do this _ , I’m  _ not  _ tapping out,” his voice was frenzied, hiding himself behind The Duke in a rare display of fear. 

“Guys? Is something wrong?” Patton approached them, all of his nervousness about his feelings forgotten in the face of this distress, “Whatever it is, you can talk to me.”

Remus gave him a warm smile, not hesitating for a breath. 

“We came to tell you you’re hot and we wanna date you! But, you know how bad Dee is with words! Anyway, whaddya say?”

Deceit, for his part, nodded in deep resignation. And Patton’s head  _ reeled _ .

He could hear, audibly  _ hear  _ his heart thumping against his ribs. It was probably as simple as a confession could get, but regardless he found himself frantically replaying the words over and over and over again. He’d never imagined- not even for a  _ second _ \- even the thought of it- 

Mentally, he took a step back. Roman, Logan, and Virgil were an item. Remus and Deceit were an item. And Patton was a third party, paternal and caring and watching out for all of them and their misadventures, though he knew he’d never be entirely part of it. But maybe, now he could be. After everything, they wanted not to just be with him, but to be  _ with _ him.

It didn’t process.

“I- You- What-  _ Me _ ?”

Because there is good in this world, Remus (correctly) interpreted his flustered stammering as surprise and not distaste. The smile that he almost always wore widened and he took a step forward, dragging the mildly less panicked Deceit along with him.

“ _ You _ ,” he confirmed, shimmying excitedly in place, “Definitely you. And us.”

“I second that not-at-all vague sentiment. We’ve grown unfortunately fond of you,” Deceit uncoiled himself from Remus enough to be seen clearly.

Patton saw it. He saw, in full light and understanding, the subtext in their previous interactions. And now that he did, he had no idea how he’d missed it. A testament to the power of his insecurity, probably. But that didn’t matter, because they  _ liked him back _ .

Patton failed to words. But, they were very near, and he was very happy, and in the light of new context, he figured that they wouldn’t mind the response he opted for instead. 

He hopped forward with a delighted squeal, scooping the traits up in his arms. Remus started cackling and immediately returned the hug with just as much fervor. Deceit wasn’t far behind for once, allowing his face to split with a smile equal parts shock, relief, and glee. 

“Oh, I love you two  _ so much _ !” Patton laughed out, burying his face in Remus’ hair. 

“I love you back!” Remus said in kind. 

Deceit attempted a dramatic groan, but he failed to tamp down his grin. 

“It  _ could _ be said that I feel something  _ love-adjacent _ for the both of you. Perhaps.” 

Patton’s mind was swimming in joy, so much so that it barely registered when Remus tilted his head back only to lean forward, and oh  _ wow _ , were they  _ kissing _ . Patton’s vision was all bright blurs of color, and he melted. The creative trait pushed up against him, rough in much the same way as an overly excited large dog. Patton hardly had time to reciprocate the kiss before Remus broke off completely from the hug, unflustered and unaffected by what he’d done, save for a light blush.

“Now you guys!”

Oh, he was still hugging Deceit. 

“Only if it’s okay?” he’d barely gotten the apprehensive words out of his mouth when it was suddenly occupied, and the world went back to hazey vibrance. Deceit was almost skittish, a barely-there press against his lips like he expected Patton to shove him away. He didn’t, by the way. Rather, he slid a hand up to rest between the side’s shoulder blades, bringing him nearer. 

After a moment, they pulled back slowly, not letting go of each other. 

“That was hot, ngl,” Remus chimed from his perch on the counter.

Patton was overcome with a fit of giggling, energy building in him. He ended his and Deceit’s very drawn-out embrace to satisfy the necessity of  _ full body wiggle _ . He was in Silly Mode, there was no avoiding this until it had been exorcised via The Joyful Movement™. Patton flapped his hands at his sides and shook his hair out, laughing all the while. Today could not possibly get better!

But he remembered his audience of two. He looked up, hair fluffed up and face flushed with fading excitement and a tinge of self-consciousness. 

“Sorry, I got over-excited...”

“That,” Deceit announced solemnly, “Was astoundingly adorable.”

“I’ve died a gruesome death,” Remus rolled off the counter and onto the ground with a crash (and some bone crunches thrown in, probably for fun), “My heart overloaded, it has burst. There’s blood everywhere, it’s in my eyes, I’m now also blind.” 

Patton’s relief escaped in another bout of laughter, and something lifted in him. A weight that had been there for so long that he hadn’t even remembered it was there, nor how it felt to be without it. But now that it had left, he didn’t know how he had been living with it for so long. There was airiness in his chest, a clarity in his mind, a general sense of contentment rushing over him. This wasn’t a face he put on for others benefit, it wasn’t a fleeting enjoyment of one thing or another- what it _ was  _ was a deep, thrumming joy that overcame him. 

He was  _ happy _ . 

Naturally, Patton could not finish cleaning due to. Circumstances. Those circumstances being, he was finally letting himself indulge in some quality time with his new boyfriends (an identifier he very much liked the sound of). 

The trio were half-laying on the Common room’s couch, a tangle of various limbs. Remus leaned against a pile of pillows, and Patton rested his head on his chest. Draped across the both of them was Deceit, fastening all of his arms around them in a manner simultaneously protective and needy. Oh, and also very, very cute. 

“This was  _ totally _ what I was planning from the beginning,” his voice reverberated through Patton’s chest, “God, I am so  _ great  _ at plotting.”

Remus clicked his tongue agreeably, pressing a kiss to the top of Morality’s head.

“Yeah, I was pretty sure we were gonna end up killing you, Pumpkin. This wasn’t even in the ballpark of outcomes.” 

Patton hummed in thought, cuddling himself closer to his partners.

“I dunno. I’d say your plan turned out pretty well.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want a lil taste of extra, here's this: I fully believe that Rem and Jan originally got together when they were just chilling, vibing together and talking about whatever, and it just hits Remus and he. No hesitation. Just looked over and was like 'oh im love you' and- surprisingly- it totally worked. And then they kimss,,,, and they in love. Just a bit of backstory------  
> Also, shout out to my friend Madame M. for making me make Remus call mother Gothel a milf. I've never hated any opinion more, but it is one she genuinely holds and told me to add into my story. All because I mention Tangled once in passing.   
> If you comment I'll astral project to ur house and give you $200. If it's constructive criticism then I'll give u $400.  
> -WJ

**Author's Note:**

> :3 Leave a comment! Tell me what u thought!   
> -WJ


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